Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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