i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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