I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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