Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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