There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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