I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
