I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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