Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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