new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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