Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
pray to the hookup gods
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