Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
