So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
