He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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