my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
