she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
