the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
