plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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