I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if only i could text you this smell
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
