Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
