i think my tv is drunk
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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