I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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