I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize