does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
