I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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