Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
