last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
