I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
