I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
