is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
