I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
