worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
only if we run a train.
done.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
