drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
