He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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