i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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