Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
