i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
