God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
