I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
