I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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