I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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