Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
