is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
