my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
