you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
