my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
