Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
