She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
