I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
