the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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