i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
