Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
