I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
