they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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