I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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