But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
