Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
