the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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