ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
