dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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