I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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