just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
