forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
