I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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