I met the friendliest cop last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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