Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
