In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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