woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
