My room smells like vodka and shame
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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