I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
