i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
are you so shy because you have an std?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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