perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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