Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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