my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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