did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
