its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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