Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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