Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We are two peas in an std pod
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm too high and old for this...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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