God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
